The N.E.A.D to focus on the here and now.

So where to start... I won't start with my story as I'm sure it's similar and familiar to all; so let's start with the here and now. My now is I'm getting out. Some days are forced days where my body can do it, but just won't. I push and push and push again. 'You won't take my day not today, not this one. This one is mine' I say to myself. Some days as you know are impossible. What do I do then? I listen to music. My favourite's are Julie London and Alison Moyet. I get lost in their music the tones of ups and downs of the familiar voices help ease my mind. Or I read. Mindfulness books are the best for me. I read over chapters so much that I almost inhale the words. Don't get me wrong, some days it's hard and I want to scream, shout and cry. We have all been there right? Cooking, I love cooking, but some days I can't because my tics are so bad. But when I can, I'm like a Masterchef contestant. My now is every second I can do something that I normally cant. Not when my subconscious mind says I can't, I don't count those times. Why should I give it the weight it feeds off? Sometimes it has its fill of me and sometimes I feed off it. Strange, it's given me strength whilst taking it from me. I can be as deceitful as it can be. I've started to notice I don't NEAD it, it NEADS me. So I'm not allowing it to have all of me all of the time. Not when I'm strong enough to beat it off. So that's my now, that's where I'm living. I'm hoping I can stay here for the time being even if it still let's my tics show. People will see them,people will see 'it' and good because 'it' wants to hide in my shadows. N.E.A.D doesn't define me, it comes along like rough weather but even that passes by...it won't beat me and I'm proud of my journey. It's made me... me xxxx