Never. Lose. Hope.

Hi there its Emily, how are we all?

Its blog time. First of all, I want to ask,

how did you feel when you very first got

told that you have Non Epileptic Attack

Disorder or NEAD? Happy that you’d

found an answer? Sad? Angry? Maybe you felt frustrated because you thought you had been dealing with Epilepsy? Maybe you were relieved that what you

were going through had a name. I think I went through all of these emotions. My parents did too. Its hard to deal

with something that doesn’t have a physical cause. People are less sympathetic and it can be hard to explain to them what you are going through and how it affects you.

Its hard to not let NEAD get to you. You lose your

independence, you feel like you’re the only person in the

world who has it. I know. I felt the same way. It’s so hard

to keep that positive hat on, a smile on your face and a

song in your heart. I felt like I had lost everything. I was

depressed, anxious, angry and even lonely. Over time

seeing the psychologist started to have an impact on me. She started to make me see that there was more to life

than NEAD. I wrote goals that I wanted to achieve, for

example: driving, going to the shops and joining a gym.

Once I slowly started achieving these goals, I felt happier. The psychologist was right. Now don’t get me wrong.

These goals took 2+ years to achieve and yes it was hard work and it still is but don’t let that discourage you. If you really want something, then you will do whatever it takes. Overtime the attacks were less and less and I was slowly

getting my life back. I joined the gym, hired a personal

trainer and I got my driving license back. Before I knew it 15 months had gone by. Until...

I had an attack!! The worst one I’d had in over 15 months. I was very discouraged and upset. I wanted to know why

this had happened so I spoke to the psychologist, she put me immediately at ease. She said “its a blip, its not the end of the world!” She said, unfortunately these attacks will still happen. She said I might not have one for the next 20 years then have one out of nowhere. She said you can’t live your life wondering, worrying when the next one will be. What kind of life is that?

I still get attacks. I had one over the Christmas period.

Family, noise, over indulgence on food, kids and lots of

people. All of this was bound to have an effect but I was

ok with that and accepted it. I’m still having to work hard to not let NEAD get to me. I still see the psychologist. I

was hoping to be discharged from her at the end of

January, but it didn’t work in my favour. Another goal to

work towards.

I’m not hear to tell you that living with NEAD is a walk in

the park or that its going to be a breeze. There have been countless occasions where I have stayed in bed all day,

not gone into work and felt like I couldn’t carry on with

life but over time you learn and you take lessons on how

to handle different situations. You become motivated by

the things you do want in life.

As I said on my previous blog, you will eventually see that

light at the end of the tunnel.

Never . Lose . Hope

Thanks for reading

Emily